So you find yourself married to this man. Chances are you share some of the same interests, and maybe even agree on a lot of things…but inevitably, you won’t always see eye-to-eye on everything. As much as you may want your husband to see things your way, sometimes you have to agree to disagree. The reality is, you and your husband, while you may share the same interests, and agree on a lot of things, you’re still two different people. Any time you get two people together, there are bound to be differences since we are all as unique as snowflakes.
Despite this truth, and despite your desire to want things your way, you must remember that your husband is your teammate. You chose each other, and in so choosing each other, you agreed to be a team. A team doesn’t mean we always agree, it simply means we always work together for the common good of the team.
In our every day life…the daily grind as I like to call it…we have a lot of things going on, a lot of responsibilities. I know that there is no way that I alone could manage this laundry list of responsibilities without my husband. And for this reason, it is vital that I give him the respect that he deserves as my teammate, and as my husband. I know sometimes this can be difficult…I’m used to ordering a 3-year old around to clean up his toys, be nice to his sister, go to bed, etc., and sometimes this can result in me interacting with my husband the way I do with my kids. I’m not guilty of this often, but when I am I can assure you my husband does not respond well to me, and of course I must admit I was wrong and apologize.
He is my teammate and my husband. He is not my chore boy or my project man, and I should respect that, just like me, he works a full-time job and deserves his downtime. As a team, we will tackle those chores and projects together.
He is my teammate in love in all its forms…spiritual, emotional, and physical!
He is the spiritual “captain” for me and the rest of Team Parrish. He leads us, as a captain does, and as the head of the household is called to do, but he’s on the field with us just as every other teammate. He’s not above me, he is playing in the game with me, having each other’s backs, working towards the same goal.
I don’t have any great sports references to explain how my husband is my emotional teammate, but he is. He listens to everything and anything I have to say. He talks to me about everything and anything, and he supports me, even when I might be a tad-bit overemotional. He usually is just waiting for me to be a logical and rational human being, and if I don’t do it on my own, he will talk me through my irrational emotions.
In order to be supportive of each other emotionally, we must be able to trust each other infinitely. So I can’t abuse that trust by lying, manipulating, or disrespecting him with either my words or actions, whether in private or in public.
I won’t get into too much detail about physical love since it tends to make some people blush, but as teammates we are both striving for the same goal…intimacy. Therefore, using sex as a weapon, or withholding sex does not promote the common good of the team. Sex was created by God for a husband and wife to enjoy together. That’s right, we both are supposed to enjoy it. As wives, we should not view it as a duty or an obligation, because that just takes the whole fun out of it. If you feel this way, then maybe it’s time to try some new plays, change positions, call a huddle, take a timeout if needed, and score a goal! (Ha, I worked those sports references in that time.) Besides, a marriage without the physical love doesn’t make us teammates…it makes us roommates!
Obviously, working as teammates is important in all areas of our lives together, but it’s never more important than it is in parenting, because your kids innately try to divide and conquer. Before they even know how to tie their shoes, kids are finding ways to drive a wedge between mom and dad.
As teammates in parenting I will never undermine my husband…whatever daddy says goes. Even if I don’t agree with what daddy has to say…whatever daddy says goes. We are a united front, and we won’t have it any other way. This means that I do not contradict my husband in front of the kids, and I will not talk to him haughtily in front of the kids…because not only does this encourage my children to push the limits and see which parent they can get their way with, but it also teaches them I don’t respect their father. If ever I have an issue to discuss regarding something I didn’t agree with, then it will wait until we have time to discuss it away from the kids.
As a team, we make decisions about the kids together. No one rules over the other, and no one guilts the other into submission. We take the time to discuss the options, and either come into agreement, or come to a compromise. But either way, it’s done together, and it’s done in a way in which each team member feels like we have worked towards the common good of the team.
Being a teammate can be a tough thing at times…as humans, we are hardwired to want what we want and resist sacrifice or compromise. But God calls us to something different. He calls us to love others more than we love ourselves, and to put others before ourselves. Nothing is more evident of the need for this type of dynamic than the covenant of marriage. So even though being a teammate can sometimes go against our human nature, stand firm in knowing that when we approach our marriage as a team working towards the common good we will see far more benefit than if we tried to do it on our own.