For as long as I can remember, I knew I always wanted a son. I guess it’s a reflection of my personality…I’ve always been more of the tomboy type, played sports, watched sports, not as interested in makeup and high heels as the average female, and when it came to friends I always seemed to find more in common with the guys than the girls.Having a daughter seemed like a whole lot more headaches than having a son…I mean there’s the clothes with all the pink and bows and ruffles, training bras, teenage girl drama, boyfriends, periods, makeup, and don’t even get me started on the clothes young girls wear these days. And what if I had a little girl and she turned out to be a girly-girl? How would I relate to her?
Naturally, this all helped me form a preference when it came to the topic of son or daughter.
Years down the road, after getting married and spending a few years as husband and wife we decided we were ready to include daddy and mommy as part of our credentials. And both of us wanted a boy!
After several months of trying, a miscarriage, and several more months of trying we found out we were pregnant for the second time…and around about 20 weeks later it was time for the ultrasound. I remember on our drive to the doctor’s office I told my husband that while I would be happy with a healthy baby, I don’t know if I would be able to hide my disappointment if it was a girl. But God was gracious in this desire of my heart and He gave us a little boy as our first born.
Almost two years later, we found ourselves pregnant again.
This time I found myself telling people that I would be perfectly happy with two little boys, but a girl would be fine too. Truthfully, there was a part of me that would have been 100% content with two little boys, fearful of all the perceived issues I envisioned with having a daughter…but then there was this small voice inside whispering, maybe a daughter wouldn’t be so bad.
Second time around, we didn’t have to wait until 20 weeks for the ultrasound. My midwife told me about a blood test they could do in order to determine the sex of the baby, and we could find out as early as 13 weeks. I remember having to wait a whole week for the test results…and then finally I received a phone call the Saturday before Thanksgiving. She told me I was having a little baby girl…and my heart just felt so full!!!
It wasn’t until that moment that it struck me how much I wanted a daughter. I don’t know when or how it happened, but it was an unmistakable feeling of pride.
I spent the remaining months preparing for her arrival, and spending a lot of time wondering what she would look like, just as all moms do when they are expecting a new baby. What color will her hair be? What color will her eyes be? Will she have curly hair or straight hair…will she even have hair? Will she look like me or will she look like her dad? Etc, etc, etc.
And then the day came for her arrival…Payton was born in the comfort of our own home after only about 2 hours of labor.
Apparently she was in such a hurry that she didn’t even want to wait for our midwife to arrive. So her daddy and I did what we could and birthed our baby all by ourselves. Thankfully there were no emergent complications, and my midwife took care of us as soon as she arrived.
She was 8 pounds 7 ounces of pure beauty! I can’t say I can tell you what I imagined her to look like, but I can tell you she was everything I wanted without knowing it. You see I have brown eyes, and her dad has hazel eyes…big brother has brown eyes…and I come from a long line of brown eyes. Imagine my surprise when she was born with the most amazing grey blue eyes, and since her arrival I’ve said I have no idea where they came from but I want them to stay. I just couldn’t imagine staring into those blue eyes and one day they weren’t there anymore. Here we are a year later and she still has those beautiful blue eyes…but God gave me a little gift to let me know she’s mine by putting just a spot of brown in her left eye.
I say God gave me a little gift to let me know she’s mine because the girl looks nothing like me. She has those blue eyes, and blonde hair, and no resemblance to me in the face whatsoever. If I hadn’t of had her at home then I would’ve
thought she was switched at birth. Well not really…she does look like her dad and her brother…just not me.
My first born, I love him so much, but I am not ashamed to admit he was a pain in the butt when he was a little baby. I mean he cried and cried and he screamed, and he woke up every hour, and he wanted to nurse all the time, and he never wanted me to put him down, he hated when I tried to eat a meal, he hated his car seat…the list goes on and on.
It’s a miracle I decided to have a second baby, but I could tell
even when she was still in my belly that she was different. I mean I had my reservations of course, but after she arrived it didn’t take long to
realize that God cut me some slack this time around. She slept so well and she barely ever cried. It was so different that it kind of freaked me out in the beginning…it didn’t seem right for it to be so easy.
Now granted, it’s never easy when you’re dealing with babies. Payton has given me her own share of headaches and crying fits. But in this last year I have gotten to be the mother to a sweet, fun, intelligent, curious, playful, fearless, loving, happy, adventurous, motivated, wiggly, determined, sassy, life of the party, sensitive yet strong little girl.
I’m so happy God gave me a daughter even when I wasn’t sure I wanted one. My prayers are that one day she will no longer just be my daughter, but when she is all grown up and most of my
work as mom has been done that she will be my best friend. That I will be the first one she calls when she gets engaged, that she will want me to be there when she has her
first baby, that she will call me needing advice when her kids are driving her bananas, and that she will look to me as a living example of how to love God, her husband and her children…flaws and all.
I love you Payton, Happy 1st Birthday, and thank you for choosing me!